The Extravaganza

The following is the live-action style blog documenting the 24-hour casino extravaganza that Joe and I recently participated in.

7:54PM--Parking spot found at Prarie Meadows Casino in Des Moines, Iowa. I think it took 10 minutes just to find a spot. There are horse races tonight, so there are a few thousand people here right now, just about the number of one-dollar bills I could be leaving with tonight.

8:00PM--Twenty, twenty, twenty four hours to go. Sedation not desired at this moment. So, 24 hours in a row is no big deal you say. Some people spend three or four days in a row at the casino, at the same table even, you say. Well, to our credit, we aren't strung out on coke; we're just two sober guys looking to stick it to the casino for 1 24-hour period. Current status: even ($250).

8:07PM--Some dude just bugled over there, seriously. Joe filled me in on the intracacies of horse betting. I throw down $2 on an exacta for the first race. Picked the 4 horse over the 6.

8:23PM--A late charge by Ablumin Miracle, charging from fifth to first in the last 100-200 meters hits my exacta exactly. The 4-6 finish nets me $12.20. That was in Joe's face. Just right up in his face. Current status: +12.20 (262.20)

8:44PM--I am hot right now, I mean I'm picking winners left and right, or just left so far. One out of one winners. I place a win bet on the 6 horse Mingo Mohawk, a 12-1 bet, and a show bet on the 50-1 underdog Tricky Mocha. The tickets singe my fingers when they are handed to me these picks are so hot.

8:45PM--Got a look at the horses. Tricky Mocha is about half the size of the other horses. Dang it. Joe picked the 1-4-6 trifecta. The fool.

8:52PM--Tricky Mocha runs out to a huge start, leads at all the rails, leads halfway down the homestretch, then...finishes sixth. I rip up my tickets in disgust. Sorry kids, daddy can't afford new shoes this year.

9:04PM--I just realized the sun has set on this day, with it my chances of winning? That is yet to be seen. I throw-down another hot exacta bet (7-6), Joe with the (7-8-3) trifecta.

9:23PM--None of the horses that were on our tickets even showed in this race. The 2-1-5 underdog finishes would have payed out $3193.20 on a $2 trifecta bet. Incredible. This horse racing stuff is getting boring, plus I spent on my winnings already. Current status: +0.20 (250.20).

9:49PM--Time for the party to start. Bought in for $80 at a 3/6 hold-'em table.

10:02PM--Big blind special. My K-7 matched a 7-7-10 flop and I placed some bets, a check-raise and raked over $40. I think I'm the only guy at the table younger than 50.

10:15PM--Big blind special #2. My K-10 hit trip Kings to win another good pot. I'm up over $60 already.

11:15PM--It's been awhile. One hour to be exact, no wins. 5 pocket pairs, 0 hands won. I saw that the Yankees lost to the Orioles again. Joe is apparently up over $200 after riding a long rush of cards.

11:23PM--Earlier Joe and I had seen that a wedding and reception had taken place over near the hotel. The bride comes into the poker room and asks if her husband has been in there. They had been married two hours earlier, and she had hardly seen him since, apparently he was hiding somewhere in the casino. Many poker players found it funny. I thought it was sad.

11:37PM--I get annoyed when people complain about their poker luck over and over at the table. I always sit next to some guy who shows me his cards over and over and complains about how he never hits the draw he's on, as if I'm his new friend and should show him some sympathy. Well, actually sir, you've hit your draws a few times tonight, in fact, about as often as statistics say you should.

11:45PM--Bathroom break. Things are looking grim. I'm already doubting whether $250 can actually last 24 hours. Or 6 hours.

12:03AM--Past midnight now. I'm drowning in an endless sea of K-7, Q-7, J-7, and the occassional A-7. I believe I've had a 7 in my hand over 50% of the time. Approaching the two hour mark without winning a hand.

12:21AM--SUCCESS! J-J holds up and I'm up to $97 at the table, a net gain of $17. Nothing great, but much better than the alternative. Joe's cards have cooled and he's been hovering around $200 for some time now.

12:34AM--First suited aces joke. Did it really take this long? This is one of the most annoying things for me at a poker table, when people mention having suited aces. What gets me is that people at the table actually laugh or chuckle. All right, maybe I'm just on edge right now. One winning hand in 2.5 hours can do that.

12:43AM--A-K big blind. Board comes 3-6-9-8-10. Nuts. Or lack thereof.

1:19AM--Pocket cards come A-K again. Nothing on the board. I'm bored.

1:40AM--One more hand....one more hand....one more hand....I'm finally able to leave. Cashed out $55, down $25 from when I started. I was sitting at the table with my chips racked and saw one more hand. A-10 suited. I just threw it away, aces were not kind to me today. As I walk away, the board proves me right.

1:56AM--Find Joe downstairs, doing moderately well at a Texas Hold'Em table game. I watch for a while and find the game interesting. Maybe I'll buy in for $50.

2:12AM--$50 gone. I almost lost it all in three hands, which would have been very embarassing, but held on to play about 10 hands. It helped me last longer that they had a five minute break to shuffle in and count new cards. I just don't think I can play table games at $5 a bet and make it through the night.

2:20AM--Forget about table games, it's slot time. I approach a Mr. Lucky machine.

2:24AM--Up $6.55 on the Mr. Lucky machine. Notice an opening at the Deal or No Deal machine, where Joe is already up $80 or so.

3:22AM--Done playing slots. Down to $150 left. I was able to last over 6 hours. But can I make it 12?

3:57AM--Eating some nachos with Joe. I just watched Joe lose $180 at blackjack in the most excruciating way. Each hand for him was like another kick in the already swollen and painful testicles. I saw him lose three 20 hands to a dealer blackjack, complete zero double downs, and lose both hands off of split aces. I think the dealer felt really bad too, but it's his job to stand there and kick people in their already swollen and painful testicles. Current status: -$103 ($147 left).

4:13AM--I casually slip Joe a card. 1-800-BETSOFF. I'm so zany.

4:32AM--Played a variety of slots. Went shrimping, played Wheel of Fortune, Monopoly, and Top Gun. Just a slow steady burn-off of money. Well, that's not entirely true, sometimes it was a fast burn-off. The Top Gun machine was interesting. Lots of sound effects, low bass rumblings in the chair, and a weird bonus game, but as far as I know, a near 0% payout rate.

5:12AM--I am down to $100. Joe is down to $20. What do your heroes do? Do they make their last stand at the blackjack table, letting each victory ride and redoubling their money on each epic hand, earning themselves a place in gambling lore? Nope. We raise the white flag, surrender to the adversary, and walk away to live another day.

5:46AM--I lay my head down to sleep and have to wonder, did I do the right thing by leaving? What if I was just about to go on some hot-streak? Just kidding. I just fell asleep, I was really tired.