Big Problem
I was thinking at work today about homosexuality, which will have it's own post very soon, and I thought about how our society is pushing everybody to be tolerant of homosexuals, which I make no stance on at this point. It got me to thinking about those people classified as "fat" and the way they are treated.
I've known a number of people throughout my life that thought fat people were disgusting, frequently making fun of them, constantly saying cruel things about them, and having a viewpoint of them that almost made them sub-human.
It got me to thinking about why that is. What follows is the best explanation I could think of.
We hate fat people because we are weak. I suppose I have to include myself in there and say "we" because although I don't necessarily dislike fat people to the extent of others, I do occassionaly see a fat person and am filled with less than sympathetic thoughts.
When our eyes fall upon a fat person, we see weakness. We see a person who is not able to keep their weight under control, whether because of bad genes, poor eating habits, poorer exercise habits, or a general lack of concern. Whatever reason the person has for being fat doesn't matter, their weakness is out there for everybody to notice. And we do notice.
Our lack of sympathy for fat people may stem from our own weaknesses. When we see fat people, we notice their weaknesses, which remind us of our own weaknesses, which in turn angers us because we don't want to be thought of as weak.
And we are all weak. Most of our weaknesses are simply not visible, or they are more readily accepted. We feel sympathy for the person who drinks too much and is addicted to alcohol, or befriend the person that spends every waking hour at the bar, yet scoff at the person who eats too much. Our society makes sex very salient, and the individual addicted to sex is seen as a "player", masturbation is a joke among guys, and pornography is accepted as adult pasttime. Those who can't control their anger may have their weakness excused as "heat of the moment", but the fat person is allowed no such moment.
Imagine if you will that your weakness was so salient. That everytime you got angry you gained a pound, that each time you looked at a person with impure thoughts you gained a pound, or that each time you drank too much you gained a pound (okay that one isn't so hard to imagine). Imagine everytime you gave into the baser urgings of the human body and mind that you gained weight. What would you look like? Would you want to see?
I guess I'm not even sure how I should feel about the fat person I see waiting for the bus. Is it sympathy? If I feel sympathy for the fat person for being weak, I should have the same sympathy for everybody else and myself. How can I learn to look a person and not see their fatness? The movie Shallow Hal comes to mind, but I didn't like that movie much.
So, I suppose, in the end I don't know what to conclude, but maybe this post wasn't about how we look at fat people, but how we should look at ourselves.
posted by Kevin Seiler @ 2:25 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Maybe it would be a good thing to have such a visible, both by yourself and others, consequence of weakness. Maybe that is why we have less sympathy for the fat people; we say, "Can't you see what you are doing to yourself?" I have said the same thing about poor decisions that I've made time and again,"Can't you see what you are doing to yourself and the people you care about?" And I think the reason some of those mistakes are repeated is that I DO forget- not totally, but with time I am forgiven both by myself and others, so I make the same bad choices. I've sometimes contemplated self-mutilation- not only as a form of immediate punishment, but as a constant, physical reminder of mistakes. What better way to keep yourself in check?
Personally, I think it is appropriate to be accepting of many body types, and tolerant of even more. As with other flaws, actual obesity is to be tolerated, not accepted. As with other flaws, the extent is important- you might hang out with someone who is a little prejudiced, say, against Catholics or Republicans, but would you knowingly associate with a KKK member? You may have friends that are overweight, maybe even fat, but if they are too large to accompany you to do enjoyable things or if they have that associated "fat person smell" (that's not PC, but there is no other way to put it), and are not trying to change, would you still be with them? I think it is worthwhile to try to see past any flaw to get to know more of person. Exceptions would be extreme: if the person is armed and crazy, perhaps now is not the time to get to know them. I think in order to get the most out of life, keeping an open mind about individuals is important. The human brain will categorize and type people, and it is not inappropriate, but our guide to how to respond to people and situations (right, psychologist?)- just try not to make those pigeon-holes too tight or unremodelable. Knowing Kevin of old, I look forward to your post on homosexuality.
Hey Kevin,
I think I have trouble accepting that "our society" has any type of unified view on anything, so I am not sure if I understand your post to be your viewpoint or what you are speculating "we" think as a whole.
In terms of homosexuality, I would hazard a guess that Massachusetts, where I live, is one of the more tolerant states. I say this not to give the people of this state a badge of tolerance, but rather due to the Gay Marriage law and the existence of outposts like Northampton and Provincetown. But are we actually tolerant or even being pushed, as you assert, towards toleration? I am not so sure. Sure, we have the Gay Marriage law in the books, but the other day, a colleague said in reaction to hearing that my family was going to spend the day in Provincetown, "I wouldn't take my kids there".
In terms of the weight issue, I can't view someone from the point of view of having a "controllable" weakness(like overeating or drinking, etc) if they have, as you say, "bad genes". As it is impossible for me to know if someone has bad genes from afar, I tend not to assume that they are weak...tings may be beyond their control. Now, one thing that is easy to notice is that the percentage of folks that are overweight is...expanding. Just go hang out at the beach for a day to get your data. So, I think the standard of what constitutes overweight is changing and, as such, it is pretty hard for most of us to get on the high horse.
I just went to see "Sicko" the other night and Moore postulates that our health care system, driven by a profit model, is unable to take a viewpoint in which we have empathy for others....unlike the socialist models of Canda, Britan, etc. This makes sense and "we" do seem quite enamored with the trappings of "the good life". So, my feeling is that "our society" doesn't really push us to tolerate homosexuality or to all view overweight folks the same way. I think "our society" doesn't really give a shit if it doesn't directly affect "ME".
-G
Hey Kevin:
You've made some very thoughtful observations here.
This is an interesting topic, considering my plane ride to Boston a few weeks ago. An obese man tried to sit next to me on the way there. He had a window seat, but he wanted to sit in my isle seat and asked me to switch to the middle. I suggested, as politely as I could, that he try sitting in an open isle seat a few rows down.
Perhaps this was excessively rude. But he smelled (Rachel, I'm not sure if it was a "fat" smell, but it was definitely originating from him!) and he would have made my trip extremely uncomfortable. I paid for my plane ticket, and it is not my responsibility to endure discomfort because the airlines did not make him buy two seats or did not build the plane with an appropriate accomodation for him.
Obesity and alcoholism present very direct and serious problems to a person's health. Animosity or ridicule aren't appropriate responses, but I do think we should be responsible for saying something constructive. Tolerating these problems seems unfair to the individual, since they are suffering.
Sometimes the tendency to hate fat people is some kind of attempt to reconcile unresolved feelings of inadequacy. But, I think it can also be a misguided emotional outburst about the direction of our national health and our misplaced priorities. At some point in the last fifty years, it became more important for fast food chains to make a profit than it is for poor people in Louisiana to avoid adult-onset diabetes. That really pisses me off, and while I don't encounter fast food executives on the street every day, I am constantly surrounded by obese people.
There are definitely genetic predispositions that make some people more prone to these problems than others, but I think that both situations are largely the result of lifestyle choices, and I think the individuals afflicted can resolve the problem by making changes in their habits. No one was born with deep fried candy bars in their mouth, after all!
I have a friend who is a smoker, and I make a point to say something snarky every time he excuses himself for a cigarette. Some people might think that I'm being smug and self-indulgent by doing that. However, I like him and I want him to be around thirty years from now, so if I'm perceived as an asshole for trying to intervene and save a friend's life, I'm willing to accept that.
In ultimate, I usually get defensive and bitter (mostly inwardly, sometimes outwardly) when teammates suggest constructive criticism. However, I almost always experience a reversal of opinion ten minutes later, and I'm almost always glad that they took the risk of hurting my feelings in order to help me play better.
I don't think that you can compare this situation with homosexuality, pornography, or masturbation, though. None of those things pose a health risk to the individual who partakes in them. Also, sexual impulse needs some kind of outlet, so I think tolerating these things is really the only way to go (assuming you don't think that they're great!)
I'm definitely guilty of being quick to judge when it comes to the over-weight, so perhaps that makes me a bit a hypocrite when I feel like saying you should tread carefully in your transition from talking about obesity to homosexuality... especially if you're going to continue to speak in terms of weakness, culturally and/or genetically derived or not.
Interestingly, I also see the public push to give equal rights to homosexuals, but I don't believe for a second that that's where the majority of people stand on the issue, nationwide. I guess that's just a different point of view.
It offends me to think that people (I'm not saying that you do) think of gay-ness as a disease, and now my instincts tell me that I shouldn't see obesity that way either. In other cultures people can be considered fat and healthy (and gay and healthy, and a smoker and healthy...), but not in the US. I think is has more to do with the fact that 'our society' (or, as GC alludes, the uber-generalized, media driven, Voice and Face of the Public): is still wrapped up in 'The Dream'; is focused on not producing individualS, but an individual. The Individual. (Skinny. Rich. White, but tan. Straight, Family Man.)
Post a Comment
<< Home