Cerberus

The three-headed dog.

At the last ultimate tournament, The Boston Invitational, I imagined myself as Cerberus, the mythical three-headed dog that guarded the entrance, or most importantly, the exit from the underworld. I imagined each of the heads having their own little personality and came up with Keverus, the three-headed dog-man. Okay, skip that last sentence.

Not only do these three types show up in ultimate, or maybe it just that what is displayed in ultimate is the most emotional kind of each variety, but they are present in all aspects of life.

The first head is the head of good-times. With Lana, this is the Kevin that is talkative, tries to be funny, helps out, etc. Although I'm not always talkative or helpful, this is the way I usually feel around Lana, like there is nobody else that I'd rather be around at the moment. I'm glad she feels the same way! At work, this was the Kevin that became the center of attention, drove along the conversation, and tried to make others laugh to make the day go faster. These days were few, only about one a week. In ultimate, this is the Kevin that has boundless energy, plays well, and understands why he likes to play so much. This usually only happens at tournaments, hardley ever at practices or pickup.

The second head is the head of introspection. With Lana, this is the Kevin that just wants to be around, but not necessarily talk too much or be too involved. Just watch TV or read. This is the Kevin that usually thinks about what I've done that is good or bad and what I want to be. At work, this is how I usually am. I prefer to work alone and I like to do physical labor, it allows me to think uninhibited by other noise about whatever comes into my head. Most of my thoughts at work center around my relationship with God, my relationships with others, or ultimate. Sometimes, I think about how ashamed I am of the things that the third Kevin does. In ultimate, this is the Kevin that just isn't too involved in the game. I felt like this most of the time in Boston, just dissociated from the game, more like a spectator than a player. I didn't have a strong desire to get into the game, but I did still want the team to win, I just didn't think having me in would be the best way to accomplish that goal. This is the way I usually feel at pick-up. I recently felt this way when playing golf with Saienga and Jake. I couldn't play well, so I wanted to quit and hit some shots with a "hey, whats the point?" attitude. With Jake, Lana, Dave, and Abbey over the weekend at Saylorville Lake, I take off my shirt because of a bad sunburn, which means I couldn't go in the lake, which means I couldn't go out in the water with everybody, which made me just pull away from the situation and not really want to talk to anybody. I just went in the car, where it was much cooler I have to add, and worked on Van Buren Boys strategy.

The third head is the head of fierceness. With Lana, this is the Kevin that gets annoyed quickly and responds petulantly. This is the Kevin that doesn't want to be cheered up. In ultimate, this Kevin shows up when things are going bad. The team could even be winning, but if it is playing poorly, the win doesn't always make it better. The negative energy that works up in me sometimes makes me play better, sometimes worse, but it never helps my teammates play better. At work, this is the Kevin that wants to quit so badly that he's just waiting for somebody to piss him off so he can up and leave. He doesn't want to talk to anybody, gets annoyed when others can't do things right, and certainly wants to work alone.

Well, now that I'm done, I really don't like the fact that I've used so much third-person talk. That's kind of lame. I don't really feel into this blog anymore.