Feelin' Fine

Well, I spent about a week last week feeling a little down about turning 27, about my general stasis in life, about my perceived deficits in areas of my life, and my feeling of separation from the God I choose to love and want to obey.

I did have some non-ultimate posts lined up last week, but worked on some all the way to completion before deciding not to post them. I was unhappy with the way I wrote some of them, some were hurried, and some were just too depressing. One of my better posts dealt with the songs lyrics to Pink Floyd's "Time" and how I felt the lyrics were applying to my life.

On turning 27, I've just felt like I'm reaching physical limitations in the things I am able to do. Instead of being encouraged to try to maximize my potential, I've kind of been slacking and sulking that my body won't do at 27 the things I could do at 22. But, I went to work out today and found that things aren't so bad. I don't have a high top-sprint speed or the ability to jump as high as I would like, but I was still able to run a sub-6:00 mile and then bike after that.

I've felt stranded and forgotten by God lately, but it stems only from my own doings. Guilt and shame coming through from some choices I have made and things I have neglected to do over the past couple of months. I was beginning to feel like I was a lost cause in God's eyes before church on Sunday. The pastor shared a story of someone similar to me who felt distanced and distressed. She experienced an awakening a couple of weekends ago. I prayed during church to receive the same hope from God and just minutes later during communion the band on stage was playing a song and tears welled up in my eyes and became so choked up that I couldn't sing and I was overcome by an inexpressable joy. A feeling like nothing else in the world mattered except that relationship that I have with Jesus Christ. A relationship that needs mending, but Christ is ever-willing to forgive and forget.

Life is going to be just fine. Though I foolishly thought it may happen, I have not been abandoned and I am cared for. I may have failed to do some things right in the past, but I've been given new hope and opportunites. And I going to Australia soon! A possible last hurrah with some of my favorite friends and ultimate players. While I may be losing strength physically, I think I'm learning to play smarter all the time. Oh, and getting lucky sometimes too.

Talk to you soon.